A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
Plurality is not to be posited without necessity.
The truth is more important than the facts.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Let's say you have $1,000,000 tied up in your little company and suddenly your advertising isn't working and sales are going down. And everything depends on it. Your future depends on it, your family's future depends on it, other people's families depend on it. Now, what do you want from me? Fine writing? Or do you want to see the goddamned sales curve stop moving down and start moving up?
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.
I realized that for many people attending a reading is like watching television at the end of a long day. They don't want to be sad but to laugh. Chances are they'll pick the sitcoms over the horror movies. So I learned that, while one's larger body of fiction can have quite a bit of sadness and conflict and tragedy in it , in a reading environment, the average audience member seems able to tolerate only a little bit of sadness. They'd much rather the reading be sexy, funny, and witty. Life is hard these days. There's more than enough sadness in the world, so I can't blame them.
Every woman should have a purse of her own.
I am neither Christian enough nor charitable enough to like anybody just because he is alive and breathing. I want people to interest or amuse me. I want them fascinating and witty or so dul as to be different. I want them either intellectually stimulating or wonderfully corny; perfectly charming or hundred percent stinker. I like my chosen companions to be distinguishable from the undulating masses and I don't care how.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
God. . . a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man's power to conceive.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
Before the Internet, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life.
My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony.
I would be a liar if I said I don't care [about my appearance]; yes, I care. I found it very difficult, when I first became well known, to read criticism about how I look, how messy my hair was, and how generally unkempt I look. The nastiest thing ever written was written by a man, and I do remember that. I wasn't looking for it either, it was just simply in the newspaper I was reading.
There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet.
The second mouse gets the cheese!