Nature has a pretty sick sense of humor.
They want the federal government controlling the Social Security, like it's some kind of federal program.
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
I can't see that it's wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see. . . all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
It never seems to occur to some people, that, like beauty, a sense of humor may sometimes be fatal.
Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!
Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.
If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.
If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.
Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.
I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor. . . I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.
A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!
It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.
I think that a sense of humor of an actor comes through most of the time. Maybe some actors have less than others, and I have it, I think. It's my nature.
The only thing worth having in an earthly existence is a sense of humor.
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.