Top Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Rodney Dangerfield Biography

Rodney Dangerfield

Jacob Cohen (born November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), better known by his stage names Jack Roy and Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer and screenwriter known for the catchphrase "I get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.

Read about Rodney Dangerfield in Wikipedia

Random Authors

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Age, Envious, Funny, Humorous, Wind

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

Believe, Believes, Firmly, Gynaecologist, Hypochondriac

I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

Horny, Leave, People, Say, Southern, Thinking

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

Funny, Headache, Hooker, Humor, Told

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

Bedroom, Dog, Door, Doors, Watching

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

Earth, Funny, Mud, Together, Water, Wife

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Dad, Fathers Day, Happy, Piece, Proof, Said

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again. "

Funny, Humor, Kids, Parents, Thousand, Time

. . . went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Asked, Bars, Naked, Showed, Surprise, Wife

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

Fighting, Keep, Sex, Think, Thinking

What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.

Alpo, Childhood, Dog, Old, Years

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Ask Me, Drug, Drugs, Say, Say No To Drugs, Whenever

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Born, Funny, Good Morning, Morning, Mother

When I was born. . . the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father. . . I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. . . but he pulled through.

Came, Doctor, Funny, Hilarious, Said, Witty

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

Day, Drivers, Funny, Humor, Test, Wife

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

Followed, Funny, Hours, Humor, Scooper, Two

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days. ' She asked me for 50 bucks.

Bucks, Come, Dating, Making Love, Told, Wife

If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half!

Half, Hour, Hours, Things, Week

I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

Bisexual, Homosexuality, Maybe, Twice, Years

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Comedy, Funny, General, Met, Motivational, Offered

1

...