I'm sure every pattern has been covered, but it's nice to think you might dwell on some that other people don't.
When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"
In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.
You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others rob you with a fountain pen.
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
That just sounds so funny, A-list. Really, I'm a mom, and that's how I'm going to be all my life.
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.
Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.
Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.
A book is a mirror: if an ape looks into it an apostle is hardly likely to look out.
Did you ever wake up with an erection. . . and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"
I do have a 22-inch waist, I will say that.