Top Demetri Martin Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Demetri Martin Biography

Demetri Martin (born May 25, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, artist and musician. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin. In stand-up, he is known for his deadpan delivery.

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Demetri Martin Quotes

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

Different, Location, Peeing, Summer

One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like "hey, there's an asshole. "

Funny, Humor, Like, Opposite, Opposites, Patterns

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

America, Presence, Sign, Success, Yards

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

Curves, Ignorance, Interesting, Nice, Rich, Steep

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.

Course, Jobs, Stand, Way, Years

Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.

Came, Cave, Caves, Never Forget, Think, Thinking

I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.

Comedy, Deal, Focus, Gay, Hipster

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

Guy, Hear, Problem, Raised, Teaching, Wolves

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside. '

Funny, Im Sorry, Make, Says, Wanna, Witty

A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you

Nap, Naps, Power, Sleep, Weaker

The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.

Adult, Adults, Children, Differences, Location, Toy

There is no I in Team, unless you count the vertical part of the T.

Count, Part, Team, There Is No I In Team, Vertical

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm. . . I actually. . . never mind"

Funny, Humor, Mind, Romantic, Thinking, Umm

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

Bong, Like, Look, Looks, Smoking, Thinking

A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.

Cooler, Eating, Look, Looks, Slow Motion

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

Dangerous, Driver, Drunk, Persuasive

I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.

Born, Bungee, Jumping

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you. '

Couple, Funny, Humor, Lady, Street, Weeks

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

Funny, Nice, Dirty, Soap, Hand

If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.

Blind, Blindfolds, Ifs, Wear, Time

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