Being mean just for being mean's sake isn't funny.
Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
It's funny looking at yourself. You know how it is when you look back at old pictures? It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14
If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"
Everything's funny for God's sake. Everything.
The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.
It’s funny now, trying to socialise with people. There’s this cautiousness about people which I just find really weird.
He's 31 this year: last year he was 30.
-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more.