Modern dancing is old fashioned.
I work until beer o'clock.
It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who cannot change.
They used to have a smoking section at most airports. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You're not just a smoker, you're an example to other people. You're an exhibit at a futuristic zoo.
Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making wild, funny stories.
Up till now, they are only on dock No. 10, not in Umm Qasr, not in the city
Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so.
Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.
No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
"Married with Children" was racy, it was sexist, it was a lot of things, but mostly it was funny.
Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"
If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?