Top Woody Allen Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Woody Allen Biography

Heywood Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg; December 1, 1935) is an American director, writer, actor, comedian, and musician whose career spans more than six decades. He began his career as a comedy writer in the 1950s, writing jokes and scripts for television and publishing several books of short humor pieces. In the early 1960s, Allen began performing as a stand-up comedian, emphasizing monologues rather than traditional jokes. As a comedian, he developed the persona of an insecure, intellectual, fretful nebbish, which he maintains is quite different from his real-life personality. In 2004, Comedy Central ranked Allen fourth on a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians, while a UK survey ranked Allen as the third greatest comedian.

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Woody Allen Quotes

This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn't gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it's a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself.

Boys, Happy, Lies, Life, Lying, Views

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.

Black, Brother, Escape, Giving, Horrible, Symphony

Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.

Government, Religious, Tax, Tried, Years

Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison. " — "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists

Blink, Dentists, Eye, Machines, Rays, Straight

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Funny, Humor, Intellectual, Intelligent, Look

That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing’s real, it just lives.

Art, Lives, Nice, Real

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.

Busy, Care, Flushed, Institutionalized, Movies, Toilets

See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.

Acts, Anxiety, Gain, Gains, Know, Knows

You use sex to express every emotion except love.

Emotion, Love, Sex, Use

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

Body, Mind, Separation

Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.

Driver, Drivers, Engine, Enthusiasm, Needs

In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.

Laugh, Morning, Night, People, Wake

There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!

Failure, Pain, Salted, Suffering, Wise, Wound

I have great faith in the actors. When they improvise, it always sounds better than the stuff I write in my bedroom. When they improvise, they make it sound alive.

Actors, Sound, Stuff, Write, Writing

I'll work by myself for years and then I'll think it'll be fun to et one of my friends like Marshall Brickman or Doug McGrath into a room and not be alone for the writing of the thing; to have the pleasure of taking walks and get lunch together; its sort of a fun process and then I do it and then I get back on my own for a while until I feel the need to do it again.

Doug, Fun, Taking, Thinking, Writing

There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important.

Important, Sex, Things, Two, World

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

Beings, Fun, Mind, Philosophy

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.

Cause, Community, Discovery, Set, Things, Water

Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships.

Basically, Men, People, Think, Thinking, Woman

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Funny, Humor, Luck, Probably, Sex, Unknown

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