Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
Woman was God's second mistake.
The future is made of the same stuff as the present.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
When the political columnists say 'Every thinking man' they mean themselves, and when candidates appeal to 'Every intelligent voter' they mean everybody who is going to vote for them
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open. ” The crowd cheers.
You never find yourself until you face the truth.
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.