I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.
Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
People say women shouldn't have long hair over a certain age, but I've never done what everyone says.
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.
A lot of my hair stylists and my beauty team that I work with are gay so I hang out with gays a lot and I just think they're adorable and hilarious.
That was what made them so hilarious and unafraid. That was the strength of the Nazis. [. . . ] They understood God better than anyone. They knew how to make Him stay away.
In the beginning, I would find a character I understood. That was my focus. Not now - but you basically get offered the exact same thing you just did. Which I find hilarious. I did 'The Vow,' and then I had every love story you can imagine thrown at me. And now I'm getting offers for comedies.
I worked in the mail room at CAA when I was in high school. I worked in the literary department, too. That was my after school job, believe it or not: I would read manuscripts and then evaluations on whether or not I thought they'd make good movies. Which was fascinating and kind of hilarious to me at the time.
The universe is hilarious! Like, Venus is 900 degrees. I could tell you it melts lead. But that's not as fun as saying, 'You can cook a pizza on the windowsill in nine seconds. ' And next time my fans eat pizza, they're thinking of Venus!
Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it.
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
My family went on a cruise, and I got a terrible haircut. FYI: Never get your hair cut on a cruise. And I had, like, this blonde curly 'fro, and I walked into the gym the first day back in seventh grade and everyone was staring at me, and for some reason I thought, I know what I need to do! And I just started sprinting from one end of the gym to the other, and I thought it was hilarious. But nobody else at that age really did. It was genuinely weird
A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.