I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Once you've stopped loving someone breaking his or her heart's just an unpleasant chore you have to get behind you. My God, you really don't love me anymore, do you? No matter your decency the victim's incredulity's potentially hilarious. You manage not to laugh.
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.
I don't think that I could have survived in my family without a naughty sense of humor; yeah, absolutely. I think my brother and I both get our senses of humor from our parents. I mean, my mother was absolutely hilarious and foul. She had the most ridiculously off color sense of humor, so that was sort of what we grew up with.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?