As small as a world as large as alone.
I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
The psychiatrist wants to know why I go out and hike around in the forests and watch the birds and collect butterflies. I'll show you my collection some day. Good. They want to know what I do with my time. I tell them that sometimes I just sit and think. But I won't tell them what. I've got them running. And sometimes, I tell them, I like to put my head back, like this, and let the rain fall in my mouth. It tastes just like wine. Have you ever tried it?
In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.
Baptists have long upheld the ideal of a free church in a free state. And from the beginning, they believed that forcing a person to worship against his will violated the principles of both Christianity and civility.
My own daughters weren't able to study in Turkey because of their headscarves, so they went to the United States.