I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It’d be so damn literal! You are … - Mitch Hedberg

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My history teacher was utterly terrifying, but her lessons were very inspiring. She got me interested in people and stories, which then led me to acting.

Mitch Hedberg

I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It’d be so damn literal! You are using that machine to it’s exact purpose!

Exact, Forks, Itd, Machines, Purpose, Using

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I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

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Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

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My history teacher was utterly terrifying, but her lessons were very inspiring. She got me interested in people and stories, which then led me to acting.

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Tom Robbins

On the mainland, a rain was falling. The famous Seattle rain. The thin, gray rain that toadstools love. The persistent rain that knows every hidden entrance into collar and shopping bag. The quiet rain that can rust a tin roof without the tin roof making a sound in protest. The shamanic rain that feeds the imagination. The rain that seems actually a secret language, whispering, like the ecstasy of primitives, of the essence of things.

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Miguel Angel Ruiz

The Human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. Every time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again and again and again.

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People in Russia say that those who do not regret the collapse of the Soviet Union have no heart, and those that do regret it have no brain.

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