The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron Hans Neizant B ompzidaize was elected Landburgher of K oln in 1653.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the most pleasant people, as a writer I just think about the humorous aspects of these things - that's what keeps me going when I'm writing a story.
The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing hilariously bad suits. Their leader was Josef Stalin (Russian for "Joey Bananas")
America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"
The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.
A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
Come, every frustum longs to be a cone, And every vector dreams of matrices. Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze: It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
God help the patient.
I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
No one can have everything, so you have to try for what you want most.
There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.
I like to be as diverse as possible. I think the humorous side and the serious side are both elements of my personality. It's what makes me who I am and if I was to neglect either one of those sides and just focus on one of them, it wouldn't be the full spectrum of my personality.
What do you take me for, an idiot?