These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture. . . . He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement. . .
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
. . . and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.
An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as strange as, oh, the French.
The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Mr. Starr, have you no shame? Facts and law are always subordinated to the will of the American people.
Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
Cultivate," I said, "a sense of humor. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
I use humour a lot. My foundation is tragic, but my appearance is humorous.
Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.
When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.