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Criticizing Fox News has nothing to do with criticizing the press. Fox News is not a news organization. It is the de facto leader of the GOP, and it is long past time that it is treated as such by the media, elected officials and the public.

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Randy Glasbergen

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Calling, Customer, Funny, Head, Hot, Service
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What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Busy, Exercise, Hours, Schedule, Schedules

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Funny, Humor, Loss, Press, Right

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

Call, Company, Feels, Funny Work, Like, Whenever

I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?

Destined, Heard, Men, Sex, Thinking

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

Death, Humorous, Independence, Tattoo, Thinking
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