Top Randy Glasbergen Quotes

Randy Glasbergen Biography

Randy Glasbergen (February 20, 1957 – August 11, 2015) was an American cartoonist and humorous illustrator best known for three decades of newspaper syndication as well as a freelance career.

Read about Randy Glasbergen in Wikipedia

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Randy Glasbergen Quotes

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Funny, Humor, Loss, Press, Right

These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.

Buy, Funny, Give, Inspirational, Motivation, Tapes

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

Brain, Brains, People, Reading, Software

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Busy, Exercise, Hours, Schedule, Schedules

I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?

Destined, Heard, Men, Sex, Thinking

I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey.

Kids, Milk, Running, Straight, Stress, Work

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

Death, Humorous, Independence, Tattoo, Thinking

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

Call, Company, Feels, Funny Work, Like, Whenever

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Calling, Customer, Funny, Head, Hot, Service

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Randy Glasbergen Biography

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