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People are taking it for granted that [the Negro] ought not to work with his head. And it is so easy for these people among whom we are living to believe this; it flatters and satisfies their self-complacency.

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Randy Glasbergen

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Busy, Exercise, Hours, Schedule, Schedules
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Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Funny, Humor, Loss, Press, Right

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

Call, Company, Feels, Funny Work, Like, Whenever

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Calling, Customer, Funny, Head, Hot, Service

I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?

Destined, Heard, Men, Sex, Thinking

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

Death, Humorous, Independence, Tattoo, Thinking
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