When man to man shall be friend and brother.
My wife made me join a bridge club. . . I jump off next Tuesday.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
We owe our World War II veterans - and all our veterans - a debt we can never fully repay.
We have to broaden our appeal to more customers than simply high-end customers. We have to understand that, in the aggregate, there are fewer customers out there, so we have to appeal to them all.
Only God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. The Church has always been changing.
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.