My parents are very well-behaved. If anything, if my Mom were here right now, she would hug and … - Tina Fey

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My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass.

Tina Fey

My parents are very well-behaved. If anything, if my Mom were here right now, she would hug and kiss every one of you hello, and then she would feed you.

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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

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If you ever start to feel good about yourself. . . . . . . they have this thing called the internet.

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And I can see Russia from my house.

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Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

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Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

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