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I'm just coming out and I'm going to clearly be myself - I write what I feel, I never worry what others think.

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Frank Carson

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

Door, Doors, Fart, Funny, Humor, Work
Same Author Quotes

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

Accusing, Funny, Humor, Man, Men, Stealing

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp. " The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps. " He says: "There's one in the window. "

Funny, Give, Humor, Men, Pet, Walks

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

Funny, Humor, Irish, Mate, Told, Use

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals. . . she has NEXT written on her knickers.

Funny, Girlfriend, Humor, Knickers, Morals, Worried

I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson. " When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it. "

Air, Asked, Carson, Funny, Hear, Humor
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