To start with, for example this year, 2004, is the bicentennial of Haitian independence.
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp. " The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps. " He says: "There's one in the window. "
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals. . . she has NEXT written on her knickers.
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson. " When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it. "
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Quite often on a movie like Total Recall you have this training period of two or three months where, like on the first 'Underworld' I was doing gymnastics and trampolining and all this stuff which I don't do in the movie necessarily, but mentally it helps. You come home and you go: 'Well, I've done all that. I must be an action star now!' So it helps you focus a little bit and gets you fit.
But when I went to Harvard, it kind of got washed out of me, partly because people made fun of you in college. If you said you believed in God, they would look at you clinically, you know, suggest that you needed a referral.
There's always a point where you get knocked down. But I draw on what I've learned on the track: If you work hard, things will work out.
We hope the world will act in the spirit of enlightened self-interest.