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When I first got into this biz called show, I decided I was going to change my name, make it more Hollywood. And you know how you do that? You take your middle name and the first street that you ever lived on. So when I first started, I actually went by Sue Rural Route 2.

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Frank Carson

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

Ate, Father, Funny, Pigeon, War, World
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

Accusing, Funny, Humor, Man, Men, Stealing

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp. " The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps. " He says: "There's one in the window. "

Funny, Give, Humor, Men, Pet, Walks

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

Funny, Humor, Irish, Mate, Told, Use

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals. . . she has NEXT written on her knickers.

Funny, Girlfriend, Humor, Knickers, Morals, Worried

I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson. " When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it. "

Air, Asked, Carson, Funny, Hear, Humor
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