I have a multivolume history of the world from the 19th century that begins with Noah's flood as though it's as historical a fact as the rise and fall of Rome.
I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Women's rights, men's rights-human rights-all are threatened by the everpresent specter of war so destructive now of human material and moral values as to render victory indistinguishable from defeat.
There were moments when I really just thought, I don't need anything and I don't need anyone. I just want to go away and disappear.
We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking.
Love of glory can only create a great hero; contempt of glory creates a great man.