Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
I've pretty much always had the same haircut my entire life.
My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
A $20 haircut hardly ever lasts longer than a $5 haircut.
. . . So in his own way Guy Clinch confronted the central question of his time, a question you saw being asked and answered everywhere you looked, in every headline and haircut: if, at any moment, nothing might matter, then who said that nothing didn't matter already?
When I was into The Beatles, I cut my hair into a Beatle haircut, which looked so ridiculously stupid with my little cat-eye glasses that I wore.
In most cultures, you can have a kid at 18 and it's not a big thing. It's not like, 'Oh, you've got to get a different haircut and move to the suburbs and act, like, 35. '
You're only as good as your last haircut.
If anyone wants to know the weirdest thing, it's getting your hair cut and seeing it on the news. Terrorists probably knew about my haircut.
You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
It's amazing what a haircut and forgetting to shave will do.
I'm the star of the show. I should have a decent haircut.
You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
Donald Trump is Donald Trump! He doesn't apologize for who he is. We know he's tacky. We know he's orange. We know he's got a bad haircut.
Having a bad haircut can be quite traumatic!
I have very short hair. It's the only cute haircut I think I've ever had.
We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don't take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys. " And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend. " Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.
