You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious. '
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together.
The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.
If I love you, what business is it of yours?
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
All diseases run into one, old age.
My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.
Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings.
I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
we love what we love and who we love who we love and why we love why we love and find a falling shoelace knotted and strung between the fingers of strangers
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
