Top Bob Monkhouse Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Bob Monkhouse Biography

Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE (1 June 1928 – 29 December 2003) was an English entertainer and comedian.

Read about Bob Monkhouse in Wikipedia

Random Authors

Bob Monkhouse Quotes

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

Clever, Comedian, Funny, Laughing, Said, Smart

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

Know, Knows, Make, Sinner, Winner

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

Funny Marriage, Interest, Investment, Pay, Pays

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money

Girl, Love, Marry, Money, Real, Real Happiness

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Archer, Enough, Funny, Humor, Spain, Toilet

What do gardeners do when they retire?

Funny, Gardeners, Humor, Retire, Retirement

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

Funny Relationship, Horse, Swap, Thought, Wife

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

Age, Degrees, Funny, Humor, Today

I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

Close, Phrase, Phrases, Said, Saws, Thinking

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already. '

Funny, Love, Mother, Roof, Said, Weeks

I got my start in silent radio.

Funny, Humor, Radio, Silent, Start

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Different, Funny, Humor, Intelligent, Life, Personally

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

Distance, Enjoy, Funny, Live, Sex

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Away, Fire, Funny, Humor, Three

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Funny, Humor, Misquoted, Seldom, Silence

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

Back, College, Funny, Humor, Mum

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

Deaf, People, Questions And Answers, Sunglasses, Wear

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

Funny, Home, Humor, Ones, Son, Taking

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

Funny, Headboard, Humor, Meant, Safe, Sex

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

Drink, Father, Hard, Icicles, Ruined, Sat

1