Top Phyllis Diller Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Phyllis Diller Biography

Phyllis Ada Driver (July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012), better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American actress and stand-up comedian, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.

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Phyllis Diller Quotes

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

Age, Cocktails, Dip, Spread, Thinking, Woman

My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

Doctor, Doctors, Family, Physician, Physicians, Support

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Doors, Enemies, Enemy, Greet, House

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Dating, Karate, Men, Sick

I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.

Dope, Happiness, Hour, Like, Sound, Want

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Funny, Humble, Humor, Know, Mirrors

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Enough, Humor, Laughed, Wrinkles

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Anniversary, Bed, Fight, Funny, Mad, Marriage

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

Blouse, Blouses, Peekaboo, People, Wore

My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

Call, Father, Hyena, Hyenas, Laughing

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.

Cure, Cures, Hiccoughs, House, Husband

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Clothes, Doctors, Love, Men, Say, Take

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

Beaters, Giving, Husband, Lick, Want

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

Bony, Knee, Knees, Like, Looked, Mother

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

Condemned, Family, Old

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

Faces, Hats, Screw, Screws, Wrinkled

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Argument, Bank, Cab, Comedy, Three, Yorkers

I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio.

Cook, Dinner, Like, Radio, Taste

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Christmas, Forgotten, Past, Present, Time, Xmas

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

Baby, Common, Craving, Pregnancy, Pregnant

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