Love is like war; easy to begin, hard to end.
I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.
On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.
The triumph of hope over experience.
I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Men aren't necessities. They're luxuries.
I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
I love you like a fat kid love cake.
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings. . . and lawyers.
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings
