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I don't do divas. I don't do entourages. I don't do the Hollywood crap.

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Bob Saget

I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.

Negative, Nuts, Wait, Waiting
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I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Body, Boy, Boys, Car, Years

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

Behind Every Great Man, Man, Men, Prison

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Life, Rest Of Your Life, Today, Tomorrow, Work, Work Out

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

Believer, Doe, Door, Doors, Nuts, Opens

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Day, Fart, Father, Forward, Stuck, Time
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