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In middle life, the human back is spoiling for a technical knockout and will use the flimsiest excuse, even a sneeze, to fall apart.

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Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!

Coming, Home, Mother, Running, Said, Stop
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When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Dean, Dracula, Necks, People, Way

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

Dinner, Nickname, Nicknames, Night, Wedding

Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. . . I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but. . . thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

Cancer, Feet, Hear, Medications, Quieter, Two

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Dinner, Kings, Solomon, Tonight, Wife, Wives

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Come, Dinner, Girl, Jack, Mother
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