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There are. . . two kinds of people: those who are changing and those who are setting themselves up to be victims of change. As the world continues to march on around us, if I am only maintaining the status quo - if I'm not growing - then I'm falling behind.

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Les Dawson

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

Dictionary, Gave, Lad, Salt, Word
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

Down, Fell, Law, Mother, Oil

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

Everyone, Family, Tree, Weeping Willows

I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.

Allowing, Bbc, Kids, Like, Thank, Wife

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Funny, Furniture, Hilarious, Life, Sell, Trouble

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking. '

Chamber, Law, Madame, Mother, Moving, Sir
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