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Marijuana grows everywhere in the world. And it really is currency, if you think about it.

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Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Being Happy, Catch, Funny, Happiness, Having
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Business, Congratulations, Hand, Hands, Success, Working

I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, "I guess you're so big we bore you now. "

Attitude, Bore, Bores You, Boys, Seeing, Towns

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Birthday, Christmas, Keep, People, World

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Democracy, Income, Life, Republican, Sex

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

Lightning, Relatives, Side, Statistics, Winning
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