Top Chris Rock Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Chris Rock Biography

Christopher Julius Rock III (born February 7, 1965) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director.

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Chris Rock Quotes

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

Daytime, Funny, Guy, Humor, Strip, Sun

The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny.

Fun, Talk, Tragic, Trying, Writers, Writing

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies. . . a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"

Funny, Baby, Lying, Men, Tell, Women

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box. . . and I ain't gonna eat. ". "I'm in a box. . . and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!

Fall, Funny, Half, Hat, Humor, Living

Relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie! ‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act, sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative!

Act, Acting, Lie, Looking, Lying, Sound

You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.

Enough, Funny, Ged, Humor, Know

My mother always says: "You know better, so you'll be punished. Your friends don't know better, so they won't be punished. They can go snatch chains and they'll be fine. But if you snatch chains, you'll end up in jail because you know better. "

Ends, Fine, Friends, Jail, Mother

See Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her!

Funny, Humor, Know, Men, Order, Relationship

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

America, Country, Greatest, World

My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.

Awards, Eddie, Goal, Mtv, Prince

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

Funny, Hate, Humor, Klan, Klux

I think it's better to have ideas.

Ideas, Think, Thinking

Men do not settle down. Men surrender.

Love, Men, Settle, Surrender

Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be.

Comedian, Group, Groups, Kind, People, Way

There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.

Interference, Kids, Men, Sexual, Wife

If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.

Clean, Cleaner, Cleaners, Dirtier, Rooms

Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.

Hundreds, List, Men, Obama, White, Years

I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.

Call, Faggot, Funny, Humor, Legs, War

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Fall, Funny, Guys, Jobs, Like, White

If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money.

Jobs, Two, President, Peace, Money

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