Christopher Julius Rock III (born February 7, 1965) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director.
Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.
When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing.
I don't need a president with a bucket list!
My dad worked every day. I didn't get into show business to work every day. So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids - that's what success is to me.
I learned pretty quickly that it's your WORK ETHIC that LEVELS THE PLAYING FIELD. Education helps, but I've met failures who have Ph. D. s. I believe the hardest worker is always going to win.
I always say there's no more little girls, just boys with breasts. Girls act like boys nowadays. Teenage girls, they go after boys. They're predatory just like boys. My goal is to keep my girls, girls.
Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.
I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.
Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian. " "You Romanian cracker!"
Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.
You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.
We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
I say everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an asshole is a horrible meal. A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal.
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1. 50. You can furnish your whole house for $10. 95.
Men do not settle down. Men surrender.
Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.
I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.
Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.