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Being a scientist is like being an explorer. You have this immense curiosity, this stubbornness, this resolute will that you will go forward no matter what other people say.

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Jeff Foxworthy

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

Dream, Everytime, Funny, Hope, Sex
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

Car, Home, Inspirational, Redneck, Wheels

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

Baby, Cleaners, Funny, Humor, Living, Smell

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '

Thinking, Told, Ufo, Up North, Weather

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Baby, Bernard, Cat, Coming, Dog, Funny

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '

Dang, Family, Feelings, Funny, Know, Minutes
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