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My wife and I were present at this congress. Sabina told me, "Richard, stand up and wash away this shame from the face of Christ! They are spitting in His face. " I said to her, "If I do so, you lose your husband. " She replied, "I don't wish to have a coward as a husband.

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Joan Rivers

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

Horrible, Ran, Stage, Thing, Worst
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

Age, Boobs, Feminine, Memorable, Needs, Wisdom

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

Card, Dress, Hands, Library, Looking, Men

I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.

Ak 47, Care, Earrings, Fashion, Sense, Suits

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Buy, Hilarious, Pay, Plastic, Sailing

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep. '.

Birth, Daughter, Mother, Say, Sleep, Tell
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