Top Joan Rivers Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Joan Rivers Biography

Joan Alexandra Molinsky (June 8, 1933 – September 4, 2014), professional name Joan Rivers, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host. She was noted for her often controversial comedic persona—heavily self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.

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Joan Rivers Quotes

Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

Down, Hard, Laughing, Life, Life Is Hard, Tubes

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

Dog, Study, Two, Years

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

Horrible, Ran, Stage, Thing, Worst

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

Against, Sarah, Silverman, Take

I've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.

Children, Foot, Hate, Like, Shirley, Stars

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

Certain, Friends, House, Knowing, New York, York

Why women don't blink during foreplay. . . not enough time.

Blink, Enough, Enough Time, Foreplay, Jokes

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boys, Dress, Dresses, England, Queen, Queens

Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!

Fun, Girl, Ladies, Old, Want

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath. ' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

Husband, Man, Men, Mother, Woman, Years

Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.

Laugh, Laughing, Life, Memorable, Tough

I hate Billings, Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck

Cities, Fashion, Hate, Roebuck, Show

I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

Boobs, Day, Funny, Humorous, Memorable, Step

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

Cake, Cook, Delicious, Husband, Memorable

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe. '

Dating, Marry, Mom, Mother, Transvestite

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep. '.

Birth, Daughter, Mother, Say, Sleep, Tell

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Baby, Bath, Funny, Radio, Witty

[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.

Fall, Lifted, Plastic, Stuff, Surgery, Trying

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

Cooked, Enough, Generally, Sauce, Tip, Turkeys

I love the way my life has fallen into place.

Fallen, Life, Love, Place, Way

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