As we watched Judge Clarence Thomas's Supreme Court confirmation hearings, all of the commentators said the same thing: … - Jay Leno

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I had been with a good friend, had a few beers, didn't bother to eat, went down to the hotel where the party was, walked in and, God I don't know why, because I hardly ever drink it, I had a double scotch. And I had another.

Jay Leno

As we watched Judge Clarence Thomas's Supreme Court confirmation hearings, all of the commentators said the same thing: 'One of these people in the room is lying. ' Do you believe that? You've got two lawyers and 14 senators in the room, and only one of them is lying?

Believe, Clarence, Commentators, Lying, Supreme, Two

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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D. C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Christmas, Funny, Religious, Scene, Wise

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Confuse, Fools Day, Irs, People, Relatives, Trying

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Come, Epic, Funny, Lottery, Money, Psychic

Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there.

America, Cities, Defense, Juarez, Mexicans, Texas

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.

Burning, Economic, Jobs, Said, Snow, Tunnels