Top Jay Leno Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Jay Leno Biography

James Douglas Muir Leno (/ˈlɛnoʊ/; born April 28, 1950) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and television host. After doing stand-up comedy for years, he became the host of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno from 1992 to 2009. Beginning in September 2009, Leno started a primetime talk show, titled The Jay Leno Show, which aired weeknights at 10:00 p.m. ET, also on NBC.

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Jay Leno Quotes

John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the place where he first proposed to her - at her bank.

Back, Kerry, Long, Vacation, Wife

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

Afterward, Cigarette, Cigarette Smoke, Dangerous, Sex, Smoking

As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam.

Change, Country, Explain, Nice, Years

A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father.

Calling, Dad, Father, Iraq, Nelson

Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan?

Suicide, Dollars, Bombers, Health, Hussein

President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?

Said, Science, Teacher, Teachers, Teaching, Team

President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off.

Writing, Yesterday, President, Write, Listed, Economy

There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he's going to Jenny Craig.

Doe, Holiday, Looking, Person, Thinking, Video

John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the polls. How's that make him feel? Disappears for a week and he's up in the polls. What else can he do now but go into hiding.

Honor, President, Campaigns, Hiding, Ahead

The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just need to find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan. . . . I think the White House spent more money looking for this guy than finding weapons of mass destruction.

Destruction, Kinda, Mass Destruction, Thinking, Weapons, White

I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do someting stupid.

Greedy, Independant, Republican, Staunch, Stupid, Thinking

The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they could be UFOs. Here's my question. If we're on the surface of Mars, aren't we the UFO?

Curiosity, People, Rover, Surface, Thinking, Ufos

You've got Bush and Gore headed to the Supreme Court. You've got George W. Bush's intelligence will be pitted against Al Gore's honesty. This is more like a case for small claims court.

Als, Claims, Court, Honesty, Small

President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year.

Job, Jobs, Months, Thinking, Vacation

In Afghanistan, U. S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was born in Washington, D. C. and his father's a lawyer. Well, that explains it. . . . He surrendered to authorities and said he wants to go back to his old job - airline security guard.

Alongside, Father, Jobs, Mother, Says, Taliban

In People magazine, Madonna said her life has been exhausting since she started her world tour. She said there isn't a second of her life that isn't taken up looking after her family or thinking of her show - her day is filled with problems of work and family. Someone should tell her, everyone else calls that, life.

Filled, Looking, People, Show, Taken, Thinking

Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that is what's left after you drain the swamp: snakes everywhere.

Drained, Government, Nancy, Problem, Snakes, Swamps

Obama called on Americans to have more grandchildren. Probably so there's more of them to pay off our debt.

Americans, Debt, Grandchildren, Obama, Pay

That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They're in bed and she's says, 'In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit. '

Cheating, Early, Home, Nearest, Wife

I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President. '. . . Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that? In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar. '

America, Fact, Home, Interview, Mccain, Reality

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