My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps … - Anthony Jeselnik

Same topic Authors

Quote of the day

I do have a huge problem, a huge problem. In fact, worse than watching is hearing. I cannot stand to hear my own voice. When it's coming out of my mouth right now it sounds fantastically interesting to me. It's rich in light and shade, it goes up and down. But when I hear it either on TV or even on someone's answering machine, I just sound like I've had half my brain removed.

Anthony Jeselnik

My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.

Goal, Host, Keeps, Want

Same Author Quotes

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

Explain, Fun, People, Retarded, Say

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

Cry, Girlfriend, Haircut, Upset

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

Clothe, Day, Funny, Humor, School

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

Bird, Cool, Girlfriend, God, Kings, Owned

About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?

Cares, Die, Kids, Know, Months, Who Cares