Top Peter Sagal Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Peter Sagal Biography

Peter Daniel Sagal (born January 31, 1965) is an American playwright, screenwriter, actor, humorist, essayist, journalist, and host of the National Public Radio game show Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! and the PBS special Constitution USA with Peter Sagal.

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Peter Sagal Quotes

There's a common saying that everybody deep at heart loves their mother, except sometimes we decide our actual mothers don't measure up. And so we look for a replacement.

Decide, Deep, Heart, Looks, Mother

We amateur athletes are peculiarly devoted to our fitness, and our obsessions can sometimes be a burden to our loved ones and a mystery to everyone else.

Athlete, Burden, Devoted, Mystery, Ones, Sometimes

We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.

Believe, Believes, Exercise, Fun, Talk, Watch

We know that the president [Donald Trump] watches "Saturday Night Live" because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it.

Know, Night, President, Watches

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.

Cat, Cats, News, Taught, Taught Us

Sometimes you just have to get out there and just help somebody face to face.

Face, Faces, Help, Helping, Somebody, Sometimes

Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.

Bus, Catholic, Church, Look, Looks, Northern

In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.

Funny, Mailed, Old, Phones, Talking, Technology

Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.

Bottle, Cutting, Funny, Human, Morons, Science

Utah is close to becoming the latest state to legalize medical marijuana. But one DEA agent raised the alarm in front of the Utah legislature. He warned them that rabbits might eat the weed. And then what would you have? You'd have a bunch of weed-crazed rabbits running around. They'd run rampant in the state's cornfields and taco orchards.

Legislature, Marijuana, Running, Weed

If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started watching years ago.

Biting, Known, Soccer, Watching, Years

On Valentine's Day, couples in Calgary can celebrate their love for each other with couples' nude yoga - great way to get in shape and see a side of your partner you've never seen before and never want to see again.

Calgary, Celebrate, Couple, Day, Valentine, Yoga

In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, "cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries," unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers.

Cells, Friends, Libraries, Phones, Player, Players

We love things with biting - "Twilight" movies, zombie movies, eating.

Biting, Love, Twilight, Zombie

Hillary Clinton, told a reporter that she and Bill aren't truly well-off, even though they're incredibly rich because they pay income taxes like everybody else. In fact, she says, they were so poor when they left the White House, they could hardly afford Bill's website memberships.

Bill, Fact, Facts, House, Poor, White

Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.

Cream, Ice Cream, Make, Marijuana, People, Simultaneously

After Luis Suarez of Uruguay bit an Italian opponent in the shoulder, two things happened. Suarez was thrown out of the rest of the tournament, and the player he bit turned Uruguayan.

Italian, Player, Suarez, Thrown, Turned, Two

If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.

Car, Computers, Know, Practice, Real, Self

[Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D. C.

Account, Bonds, Hands, Said, Saving, Secret

Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters, but they gave her a new office on the lot. But she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogan. And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope.

Know, Moving, Office, Pascal, Smoke, Weed

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