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What I meant by 'we would know the mind of God' is, we would know everything that God would know, if there were a God. Which there isn't. I'm an atheist.

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Walter Matthau

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!

Death, Invented, Late, Thing, Too Late
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My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Doctor, Funny, Hilarious, Life, Pay, Six

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

Delighted, Funny Relationship, Having, Mind, Reaches, Wife

I could play a cop, I could play a crook, I could play a lawyer, I could play a dentist, I could play an art critic-I could play the guy next door. I am the guy next door. I could play Catholic, Jewish, Protestant. As a matter of fact, when I did The Odd Couple, I would do it a different way each night. On Monday I'd be Jewish, Tuesday Italian, Wednesday Irish-German-and I would mix them up. I did that to amuse myself, and it always worked.

Art, Catholic, Couple, Jewish, Matter, Monday

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

Lip, Lips, Over You, Pull, World

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

Body, Entire, Fart, Talent
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