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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

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Elizabeth Wurtzel

That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.

Being Sad, Depression, Life, Pain, Purposeful
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Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.

Depression, Fall, Friends, Fun, Lying, Support

. . . if you feel everything intensely, ultimately you feel nothing at all.

Everything, Feels, Ifs, Intensely, Nothing, Ultimately

Depression is a lot like that: slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearale. But you won't even notice it coming on, thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getter older, about turning eight or about turning twelve or turning fifteeen, and then one day you realize that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a black blot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you are going to live.

Blot, Coming, Getter, Heart, Morning, Thinking

I want to explain how exhausted I am. Even in my dreams. How I wake up tired. How I’m being drowned by some kind of black wave.

Black, Dream, Drowned, Exhausted, Kind, Tired

Its the people you are close to, the ones who love you, the ones who have seen your heart, who have touched your soul - to them, it is obvious that something is wrong or missing. Your heart and soul are missing. They feel it. It hurts them. It kills them.

Heart, Hurt, Kills, Love, Obvious, Wrong
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