Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good … - Red Buttons

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The saxophone is an imperfect instrument, especially the tenor and soprano, as far as intonation goes. The challenge is to sing on an imperfect instrument that is outside of your body.

Red Buttons

Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!

Dinner, Firsts, Make, Polish, Pope

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When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Dean, Dracula, Necks, People, Way

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

Dinner, Nickname, Nicknames, Night, Wedding

Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. . . I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but. . . thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

Cancer, Feet, Hear, Medications, Quieter, Two

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Dinner, Kings, Solomon, Tonight, Wife, Wives

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Come, Dinner, Girl, Jack, Mother

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Ani DiFranco

There are so many things that we have to be very concerned about. But I always come back to feminism. People look at me sideways now and are like, "With everything going on, the destruction of the environment, these endless wars, this capitalism that has a stranglehold on our culture and our world and you're talking about feminism still?"

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Stan Getz

The saxophone is an imperfect instrument, especially the tenor and soprano, as far as intonation goes. The challenge is to sing on an imperfect instrument that is outside of your body.

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Jay Leno

Oh, here's your tax dollars at work. This is what makes people furious. The head of the GSA, a woman named Martha Johnson, has resigned after they found out she spent over $830,000 on a four-day government conference in Las Vegas. And the president is furious. Not President Obama, the president of China. It's his money. It's his money she spent.

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Chuck Palahniuk

Who you are moment to moment is just a story.

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Vance Havner

There is no devil in the first two chapters of the Bible and no devil in the last two chapters. Thank God for a book that disposes of the devil!

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