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What depresses me is the inevitable way the second rate forges ahead and the deserving is left behind.

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Justin Halpern

I just want silence. . . Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

Jesus, Mean, Right, Silence
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You worry too much. Eat some bacon. . . what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

Bacon, Feel Better, Idea, Ideas, Inspirational, Worry

If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage. . . . No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

Bourbon, Creative, Garbage, Sweatpants, Time

When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.

Asshole, Made, People, See, Time

Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.

Gang, Like, Prison, Spare, Stuck, Worry

On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.

Car, Farting, Lesson, Moving, Smell, Thing
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