On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first … - Justin Halpern

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When I think of some of the great renewals in the church I think of folks like St. Francis and Clare of Assisi who, through their lifestyle, were challenging the patterns of materialism and militarism and it affected the Christianity of their age.

Justin Halpern

On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.

Car, Farting, Lesson, Moving, Smell, Thing

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You worry too much. Eat some bacon. . . what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

Bacon, Feel Better, Idea, Ideas, Inspirational, Worry

If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage. . . . No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

Bourbon, Creative, Garbage, Sweatpants, Time

When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.

Asshole, Made, People, See, Time

Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.

Gang, Like, Prison, Spare, Stuck, Worry

Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, "I have to have a Toyota Camry. " But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. "It's pretty reliable," they think. "It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.

Car, Equivalent, People, Spend, Thinking, Though