Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is … - Jim Gaffigan

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Quote of the day

I do not wish to die: but I care not if I were dead. [Lat. , Emori nolo: sed me esse mortuum nihil aestimo. ]

Jim Gaffigan

Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look like I've just watched a horror film on a rollercoaster. Kids love to scream. Frightened, happy, bored. They scream. I've actually learned to love the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It's just so peaceful.

Bored, Horror, Kids, Peaceful, Rollercoaster

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My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to. Who wants to ?'

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After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

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I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. . . . I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed.

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I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy". . . My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family. " Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.

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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

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