The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I … - Emo Philips

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Because the time has come, well and truly come, for all peoples of our great country, for all citizens of our great commonwealth, for all Australians - those who are indigenous and those who are not - to come together to reconcile and together build a new future for our nation.

Emo Philips

The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that".

Children, Hope, Night, President, Speech

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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

Fifty, Funny, Gonna, Humor, Thought, Today

They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

Beach, Bottles, Glasses, Sign, Thinking

I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.

Confident, Earth, Purpose, Taken

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

10000, Friend, Funny, Looks, Plastic, Surgery

I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

Life, Pleased, Reality, Say, Won, Wrestling