I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my … - Steven Wright

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I never took the bus. Never. Walking meant you were eccentric or pious or a loser - riding the bus meant you were insane or masochistic and worse than a loser.

Steven Wright

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Amazing, Car, Comedian, Engine, Hour, Sound

Same Author Quotes

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring. . . 'How to Build a Boat. '

Asked, Book, Desert, Island, Islands, Stranded

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

Funny, Humanitarians, Humor, Vegetables, Vegetarians

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Cowboy, Follow, Funny, Humor, Models, Musicians

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. . . I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Birthday, Funny, Humor, Let, Same

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Daydream, Dream, Funny Inspirational, Kept, Love, Wandering

Similar Quotes

Susan Straight

I never took the bus. Never. Walking meant you were eccentric or pious or a loser - riding the bus meant you were insane or masochistic and worse than a loser.

Eccentric, Insane, Meant, Pious, Riding

Stan Ridgway

New wave disco was coming to the fore then, and we were at a different point entirely. I like to listen to dance music, but I don't think I'm primarily a dance music writer.

Coming, Different, Fore, Thinking, Wave

Grace Lee Boggs

I think people are really looking for some way whereby we can grow our souls rather than our economy. I think that at some level, people recognize that growing our economy is destroying us. It's destroying us as human beings, it's destroying our planet. And I think there's a great human desire for solutions, for profound solutions - and that nothing simple will do it. It really requires some very great searching of our souls.

Simple, Thinking, People, Requires, Think

Gautama Buddha

Live happily, not hating even those who are hostile. Live peacefully even amongst those that hate.

Buddhist, Hate, Hostile, Hating, Happily, Amongst

Dennis Lehane

I believe so deeply in the primacy of language, in lifting your prose to the highest level you're capable of and making your words symphonic.

Believe, Language, Levels, Making, Primacy